We tend to carry our family’s influence with us. Just like hazel eyes or freckles might run in the family, so too can personality traits, habits, and behaviors. Some of these attributes might be positive (inheriting your dad’s tidiness or your mom’s baking skills), but others could be negative or even harmful. And these influences can touch all areas of our lives, including our attitude and approach to finances. 

It’s possible you learned some positive financial habits or tendencies from your family, in addition to some negative ones. Few families are wholly perfect or completely disastrous when it comes to finances (although there are exceptions!). For example, you may have learned how to save from your parents, but perhaps they were “tuck it under the mattress” types and were fearful of investing. Or perhaps you come from a family where spending and having nice or flashy things was normal. Some spending is fine of course, and so is buying quality items, but that tendency could easily lead to spending just to “keep up with the Joneses,” not because you actually need a certain product.

It’s very possible that some of your attitudes toward saving, spending, and investing are subconscious. You might not realize, for example, that you feel a little guilty every time you buy something for yourself, because you were raised to sacrifice and do without. It’s also possible that your current attitude toward money is a form of rebellion. If, for example, you grew up in a low-income family and now have a high-paying job, you may end up spending excessively to symbolize that you’ve “made it.”

How can you overcome the harmful financial influences that were passed down to you and embrace the positive ones? I suggest starting with the following four steps: 

Acknowledge Your Tendencies 

It’s possible you’ve never thought about the origins of your financial tendencies and outlooks. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to take some time to reflect on your attitude towards saving, spending, and investing, and to recognize which behavioral patterns or perspectives were inherited from your family. Then, you can begin to determine which attributes are useful, and which do not serve you well. 

Focus on One Area at a Time 

 It’s nearly impossible to unravel decades of generational influence overnight. I suggest starting small and focusing on one area. If, for example, your parents were fearful of investing in the stock market, you may want to bring that up next time you meet with your financial advisor. Tell them where your trepidations come from and ask them to walk you through the reasons that responsible investing is usually safe and beneficial.

Challenge Your Assumptions

As you work to overcome unhelpful financial habits, take time to question the underlying assumptions that may be driving your behavior. For example, if you feel guilty about spending money on yourself, explore where that guilt comes from and whether it’s truly justified. Challenging these deep-seated beliefs can help you develop a healthier, more balanced relationship with money.

Seek External Support

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from trusted friends, family members, or financial professionals. They can offer an outside perspective and provide guidance as you work to establish new financial patterns. Consider joining a support group or finding an accountability partner to keep you motivated and on track.

Overcoming the financial patterns you inherited can take time and effort, but it’s worth it to develop a healthy relationship with money. Be patient with yourself as you work to establish new habits. Remember that progress isn’t linear, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. With dedication and a willingness to challenge your assumptions, you can break free from the financial influences of your past and create a brighter, more secure financial future.

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